This Is How We Care

92: How We Turn Loneliness into Relational Agency with David Jay

Episode Summary

Imagine there are two paths ahead of us: one, a lonely future, and the other, a relational one. Which would you choose? In this conversation with David Jay— activist, community builder, and author of the book “Relationality”—we examine what’s been contributing to the “loneliness epidemic” and how we can steer towards a “relational future” instead. For anyone who is concerned with the loneliness epidemic — whether you’ve experienced loneliness yourself, or sees the impact on the world around you — this episode is for you.

Episode Notes

Imagine there are two paths ahead of us: one, a lonely future, and the other, a relational one. Which would you choose? In this conversation with David Jay— activist, community builder, and author of the book “Relationality”—we examine what’s been contributing to the “loneliness epidemic” and how we can steer towards a “relational future” instead. 

We discuss:

• How his experience as an asexual man helped him imagine a world beyond romantic relationships— and what that can offer to all of us 
• David’s experience of starting and being in a three-parent family 
• What “relational agency” is and why this is a key part of David’s vision for the world 
• How we create the “relational containers” we need — aka spaces that facilitate connection 
• The difference between being “socially isolated” vs. “lonely”
• How to deepen commitment with others beyond just romantic relationships 
• A vision for masculinity that addresses the epidemic of male loneliness we are currently seeing
• How “transactionality” has become embedded into our society and it’s impacts on relationship and the political landscape 
• How we might measure “relationality” and invest in those skillsets, despite it being a difficult metric to measure
• What we can learn from social movements around building relationship and creating change

For anyone who is concerned with the loneliness epidemic — whether you’ve experienced loneliness yourself, or sees the impact on the world around you — this episode is for you.

Resources & Links 

• Get a copy of David’s book Relationality: How Moving from Transactional to Transformational Relationships Can Reshape Our Lonely World
• Learn more about David’s work with organizations at Relationality Lab
• Get “How to Make Friends As An Adult” — a free worksheet that breaks down five components to cultivating friendship and includes journaling prompts for each section
• Sign up for the newsletter to get updated when the “Moon School” guide is released 

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